so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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