how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
