yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
