i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
