PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
