We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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