When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
