Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Less talking, more tequila
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
