his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And then my night got REAL pukey
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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