i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
