Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
