There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
