Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
