I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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