well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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