i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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