I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
why do cheetos always look like penises
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Randomize
