I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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