I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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