Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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