Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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