Im at strip club and am horny
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
