also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize