Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
