We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
