i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
a search helicopter?!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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