what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
