my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
