hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So squirting runs in the family.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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