Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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