my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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