Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
