fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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