Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
