WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
