i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
