I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
