'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
