dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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