Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
