what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I need moral support for this bender
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
