Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i need some magic done to my vagina
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
