We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
