last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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