i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
