mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
