Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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