he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
