if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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