evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
