So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
