god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
