It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
