Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
only if we run a train.
done.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
