I cannot find my penis.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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