A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
