Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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