Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
