how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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