did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
