You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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