I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize