All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
