so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
