my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
