Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
