just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
