Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize