Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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