also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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