Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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