I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
