Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
