Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
